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The Golfer Gardener

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Okay, dig that one up!

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Bird Bath.

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

Industrial Beautification van

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

Planting Bird Seed.

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

Farmer planting the next crop of PC's.

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

"The latest news on the gardening fashion front is 'Ditch the decking'!"

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Pyramid Garden

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Clown watering his flowers.

'Sewer farm - 100% organic'

Football fan

"The cat was there."

'Seeing the Winterton's Japanese garden gave us the idea. It's a Kamikaze replica. Full size.'