Quirky Family Life Enjoyer Pillows

"My dad sleeps walks, and my mom sleep shops online."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

Turtle Trailer Court

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"I'm so good at this!"

Tzatzikicicle

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"I read the audio book."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'Hey Holly, Watch! Biscuit can catch a ginger snap in mid-air!!'

"I suppose your mother and I should have said something earlier, but it never seemed like the right time to talk about your adoption."

The best time capsules are our children.

"If you don't stop doing that, your faces will stick that way!"

"I told you this would happen once you let her sleep on the bed."

"He followed me home...finally!"

'I don't like that one. . . how about the one with the cute smile.'

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"I've decided to have a kid."

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

'Mom, I cleaned my room like you told me.'

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

"Michael, I think I found your bubble gum."

"How long before I have a dad body?"