Quirky Clairvoyant Gifts

Dyslexic Palm Reading

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Quantum Psychic

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"You're solemates!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'It's Blurred.'

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Your husband says BOO!"

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"A new set of dentures! Is that it?"

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

Ill next Thursday

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'