Quirky Childhood Antics Fan Gifts

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

Introducing...Anagraman.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

Stubborn Horse

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

'Check out the old dude.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"Got any bathtub gin?"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

The Pencil and Sharpener

Dog ignores angry cat.

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

Hot cross buns

'I bet this will confuse the Antarctic scientists!'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

Crash Test Dummy Blues

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"