Quirky Cat Quoter Gifts

Great mouser!

The practical psychopath

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Ostrich Curoisities

'Is the water cold?'

'This next song is about waking up your owner when's it's time to eat. It's called 'Butt in the Face.''

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

"You've got termites."

'I'm typecast!'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

You are the 1 I settled 3

'Don't be silly - I love you for your body AND your tiny little brain!'

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

I tried thinking outside the box once. That was a big mistake!

101 uses of a dead cat: civilisation flag.

'My cat is very unpredictable. I never know when he's going to ignore me.'

Cat Show - Sheds Most