Quirky Cat Quoter Gifts

Great mouser!

"Chill out, woman, it's only a hairball."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

The practical psychopath

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Ostrich Curoisities

'Is the water cold?'

Plant Parenthood...

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'This next song is about waking up your owner when's it's time to eat. It's called 'Butt in the Face.''

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

"You've got termites."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'I'm typecast!'

'After we had him declawed he started taking on a tougher persona to compensate.'

You are the 1 I settled 3

'Don't be silly - I love you for your body AND your tiny little brain!'

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

'My cat is very unpredictable. I never know when he's going to ignore me.'

101 uses of a dead cat: civilisation flag.

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