Quirky Canine Confidant Pillows

"Buster's always been a bit more potty-shy than most dogs."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

Your spirit animal is a balloon poodle? My spirit animal is a balloon poodle!

"Your love gives me strength."

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

Penguin Remote

"The saving grace of living with someone who has AD/HD is that any arguments you have over it never last very long."

Giraffe Selfie

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

Personal Assistants.

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

Spa Dog

'I like to wear women's collars.'

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."

"I suppose it's 'Empty Nest Syndrome', doctor. . . ever since Amber left for college I've felt so empty!"