Quirk Collector Gifts

"I've heard a lot about you - all nutty, of course."

"I'll stop saying 'irregardless' if you'll stop staying 'at this point in time.'"

'Professional strength deodorant? Are there professional sweaters? Is there a professional sweaters tour? Are there amateur sweaters?'

'According to your resume, you have unusual organizational techniques.'

Freaks of nature exhibit.

Funny Farm.

"Are you a blowfish, or did you just hold a sneeze?"

"This is for all those envelopes who never get their moment in the spotlight..."

"I see you've brought your own bag."

"I'm starting to think that maybe the superglue was a bad idea."

"I always seem to attract nutters."

Font Addict.

'Welcome to hell, this is your customer service. Your questions and wishes will be ignored and you've got to listen to my squeaky cartoon voice for ever.'

When you get older everything is a bother...

'You love anything tacky, don't you?'

Mad Scientist Supermarkets.

'Mumble mumble.' - 'He talks to himself.' - 'Then disagrees with everything he's said.'

'Wow! An international carnival.'

Bizarre But True.

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"Tell us about yourself, Pete."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Real Estate Personals

What's Their Secret?

"Please, could you lose the hindsight, just for today?"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Larry's used art

Seagiraffes

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Toadstools

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."