Quick Learner Gifts

'Could you please explain algebra within 30 seconds? I can't follow explanations that take longer than a commercial spot on TV.'

Student about Biz Quick class: 'It's bite-size information in a 15 minute class that teaches you how to roll in the dough.'

Having been born with a birthmark that looks exactly like Asia and the Mideast, Russell was able to ace the geography portion of the SATs.

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'I did it all from memory.'

'I finished my homework, and half my college freshman courses.'

Scientist has note on chalkboard: E=mc2 + 6% sales tax.

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

"Thanks to the Internet, I learned to ride a bike. Since I was bored, I also got my pilot's license."

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

"And today children, Homer is going to show us his 'pressed fly and bug collection'."

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'Father, when are you going to get software for our home computer that will teach me French?'

'Miss, I think I've learnt all I can too.'

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

'Where's the mouse for this thing?'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

I see we have the same summer reading list. ABC.

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

Tiddles completes his doctorate.

'Pete plays truant, but keeps up with his lessons!'

"I don't mind being wrong. That doesn't bother me at all! What bothers me is when other people know I'm wrong."

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

Modern Studying

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

'Timmy's very bright for his age. He knows nearly all his ABC's!'

'Your father is having a tough time with his online course.'

'It's nice that you've learned to tie your shoes, but you're really too young to quit while you're ahead.'

A teenager is bent double under a globe-shaped school bag.

'I picked up my Latin from watching Roadrunner cartoons.'

Apparently I didn't learn enough. They say I have to come back tomorrow. Welcome to Kindergarten.

Big Man Off Campus

"The operation was a success. Thank goodness for YouTube videos!"