Quick Chef Gifts

'Your tests indicate that you have a very short attention span -- you should be either a short-order cook or a news anchorman.'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

Children's Feast.

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Bangers and Mash

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

Little chef.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Stupid Microwave

"I'm making pink lemonade!"

"I'm studying the effects of prolonged radiation exposure on a panzerotti."

Amy Sedaris

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"I'll have the prayer breakfast."

TV Chef Cooking Range

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

Scales

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

'I'm so glad to hear that your teeth are falling out too, Manfred - I thought it was my mom's cooking!'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

Artichoking victim

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'