Queue Humorist Mugs

Please take a number. Any day now.

Endless line

Man Uses Velvet Rope As Rubber Band

'Who's next'

"I always find that you get seen quicker if you sit like this."

Sandwich Bar.

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

'Here, we never treat you like a number. Please take a number.'

Stand in the Q.

'Thank you for calling, your pigeon is being held in a queue.'

Post Office (packages for delivery)

'It's great: The queue is moving quite quickly...'

'Be about three hours.'

"Excuse me. I think you'll find, I was before you!"

Easter Island Safe Distancing Barber Queue

"Here's one - what gets shorter after a pandemic but stays just as long?"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

Magic Act

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe