Queue Comedians Mugs

Express Lane

'Could you check my appointment book and tell me what I'm waiting in line for?'

"I'm only fourteen right now, but I figure by the time I get through this line I'll be old enough to drive."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

'Don't hesitate to critize me, Herb, whenever I think I am wrong.'