Queue Comedians Gifts

Express Lane

'Could you check my appointment book and tell me what I'm waiting in line for?'

"I'm only fourteen right now, but I figure by the time I get through this line I'll be old enough to drive."

Mickey Mouth.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.