Queue_comedy_lovers Gifts

Please take a number if it'll make you feel any better.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Lesser known greek gods,

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"That'll be five bucks."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

Stairlift around cliff face.

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

The First Fire Stick

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."