Queue_comedy_lovers Gifts

Please take a number if it'll make you feel any better.

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Children's Parties

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"That'll be five bucks."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

Lesser known greek gods,

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth