Queue Comedian Gifts

'Watch out for the queue-jumper. Pass it on.'

'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'

"They're not taking any chances, we have to wait two weeks to get in."

Skeleton in supermarket checkout queue

"I'm just here to complain about the length of this line."

For eventual service, please take a number. 73.

Take a number sale.

Express queue at Lapland.

'Mind if I go ahead? I've just one can of dog food.' - 'Goodness no. If you're that hungry, go right ahead.'

'There's Ron. He's always struggling with his wait.'

'Excuse me, I've been waiting seven hours now.'

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

Plan B: 'Will you guys watch my place - I have to use the restroom.'

"Hunger and thirst were bad. . . some people around me collapsed. . . and by the time I got home the kids were grown up and my wife had long since remarried. . . well, Ed. . . that was one hell of a long cash desk queue!"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"She said don't forget the straw."

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

"This song is inspired by the time I fell down the tower stairs"

Easter Island Safe Distancing Barber Queue

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.