Queen Of The Banter Pillows

'You have no idea how difficult life can be when one is totally irresistible to men, Jane.'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"I'll have a man overboard!"

Cold caller.

The Gilmore Girls

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"It's the drink talking"

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

Home Business - Wife.

Full Of Beans

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

Mom! Billy's censoring me!

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

Cylinder Head

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"Shall I fry it or flush it?"

'And now the other leg!'