Quarterly Bonus Gifts

Banker's decide to 'waive' their bonus cheques!

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I hate performance review season."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'Thanks to the huge bonus, I find myself forced to admire you.'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Soaring Profits

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"At least we're consistent ... "

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Which way up do you want it?"

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

'Looks like no cash bonus this year.'

"And this all happened in the last week..."

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.

"It's been a great year - let's hope we can keep the shareholders from finding out."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."