Quarterback Congregation Pillows

Church for sports worshipers.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Early Piety

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Priest

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Drive-thru Church

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Amen. Please help me up."

Midwest Winter Items.

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

CCTV in church.

"I have an app for that."

Baptism Then and Now

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Did you have to go on about his being 'officially unavailable' and 'defying the nature of his masculinity?"

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'