Quarterback Congregation Pillows

Church for sports worshipers.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Priest

Drive-thru Church

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Let us pray...'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"I have an app for that."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"Amen. Please help me up."

Midwest Winter Items.

Baptism Then and Now

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

CCTV in church.

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Did you have to go on about his being 'officially unavailable' and 'defying the nature of his masculinity?"

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'