Casual Congregant Pillows

"I AM committed to church. I go sometimes, once in a while, and every now and then."

"This place has the best happy hour."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Early Piety

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

A trevor of trainspotters

'Let us pray...'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"Amen. Please help me up."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

CCTV in church.

"I have an app for that."

Baptism Then and Now

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Did you have to go on about his being 'officially unavailable' and 'defying the nature of his masculinity?"

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."