Communion Crowd Pillows

Jesus Feeds the 5K

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Early Piety

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'Let us pray...'

Verger Works

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Drive-thru Church

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

"My child when you look at a flower,you see the face of god!"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"That's our new church mascot."

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"