Quality Manager Gifts

Since his black belt certification in Process Improvement, Henry's presentations had become unbearable.

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

Quality Control

'Can our software do that?'

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Barcode Dreams

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'We've re-branded.'

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

Quality Control

Innovation & Calculation

'Yes, it is large for a smart phone, but then it does do absolutely everything.'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

'Risky, but I like it!'

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

"You've got one day to come up with something new and exciting yet safe and time tested."