Quaint Humor Lover Gifts

Match Seller.

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A Golden Non-Retriever

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

Peter Cook

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Safe driver.

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

The Enemy

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Spiv

The Lesser Pyramids

1874: Custer's Last Stand-Up

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

"Ordered fifty-eight days ago and it's here already!"

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

Man saying he does not want his ale thick because he is not hungry

"How do you think that makes Gail feel, knowing her only dog is posting naked pictures of herself all over the internet?"

'Never mind what I'm wearing!'

"I suggest you get off your tuffet more, and eat less curds and whey, Miss Muffet."

Two Soldiers and a Navvy.