Quaint Gifts

Snow Devil

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"Do me next."

Letter Collecting Nerd

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Swan in a trenchcoat.

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

The Lesser Pyramids

Town Hall Meeting.

"And then, having shaped up, he shipped out."

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

'Boy, this is a no-nonsense kind of place, isn't it?'

"So, how's that 'Tiny House living' working for you so far?"

"Drop by the next time you're in the eighties."

"How the hell are you?"

"Have I ever hugged you, Elkins?"

"No politics or religion. This party’s MYOB — Mind Your Own Business."

"'Birds of a feather flock together.' You hear what I'm saying, pal?"

"Wow, I can't believe it's already time for you guys to pick up on social cues that we'd like you to leave."

'How's the garlic diet? Have you lost anything?'

"Good Lord, whoes eaten all the nibbles?"

"Well you did say just pop in if you are in the area!"

"Please excuse us. We've got worms."

Death of a Goat Yoga Instructor

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

"Come on. I always browse the Mom and Pop stores before buying online."

The British Society of Campanology...

"We equipped him with name recognition technology."

'I've just discovered that the only loop I'm in, is the one I just got thrown for...'

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

Mass-produced Christmas card: 'Dear friend, family member, colleague, or acquaintance. Wishing you a very Happy Christmas!' - 'Signed with a legal and socially acceptable amount of affection based upon...'