Quack Sergeant T-Shirts

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

Inflatable Duck Boat

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'This duck call works too well.'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

'Here they come, Ben, look alive now!'

"Trepanning for gold"

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

Lead Duck With Evil Plans

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'Hang on! A good looking she-duck alone on lake doesn't seem right to me: It must be a decoy...'

New-Age junk diet.

'Call me crazy, Earl, but I get the feeling those ducks were expecting us!'

'i thought I'd held him get rid of his chronic depression . . .'

Dead ducks

Doctor to nurse about duck: 'Walks like a duck, looks like a duck, but I need some more quacking tests first.'

'Yes, I can give you lipo-suction and a face-lift, Mrs Gribbs, but I must warn you that it won't change the fact that basically, way deep down and underneath it all, you're really a duck.'

'OK, that was funny, but before you quack like me again, be aware that the Duck Season is open...'

'I still think he's saying the sky is falling just to sell life insurance.'

Geese

Testing the first doc call.

'Son, I think it's time we had 'The Quack'.'

"You called?"