Quack Remedy Skeptic Pillows

"Melania honey...can you fetch the bleach..."

Inflatable Duck Boat

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

'This duck call works too well.'

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"Trepanning for gold"

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

New Age Anatomy...

"With the wearing of this mystic talisman, you will never be plagued by any of the minor ailments usually handled by over-the-counter drugs!"

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

"What we really need is a long term quick fix."

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

"Mr. Dinsdale - come back!"

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Rocks The Vote

Acupuncture darts.

'Hang on! A good looking she-duck alone on lake doesn't seem right to me: It must be a decoy...'

Vlad, The Acupuncturist.

'The doctor said I should cut down on my alcohol intake, so I've stopped eating wine gums.'

New Age Auto Repair

"I curse the day I ever heard of Ginkgo Biloba."

"He's all red, white and blue - vitamins, aspirin and Viagra."