Alternative Treatment Skeptic Pillows

Acupuncture Chart

Self help acupuncture

"This tea isn't helping – I'm taking a gummy."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"I'm putting you on country music."

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

Psychiatry. Ordinary therapeutic techniques have been unsuccessful, but I have a crazy idea that just might work!

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

"I don't think this is doing me any good."

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Therapy Group For Those Who Are Afraid of Therapy Groups

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

GPs should provide 'forest bathing' on the NHS says charity.

'Got anything for a headache?'

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

Acupuncture - Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

"I used to think that hypnotherapy was a pseudo-science but Phil has convinced me otherwise."

'I was in the circus before I took up acupuncture.'

"Sorry. No refunds."

New Age Anatomy...

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Acupunture Clinic opens next to a Ballon Animal shop.

'Therapy and medications are not the only options for your obsessive behavior.'

2013: psychoanalysis is formally declared a scam.

'I'm not coming here again Doctor Melrose. I'd rather talk to my plants.'

'Relaxing with accupressure is easy. Press here, here, here and here, and order take-out.'

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

That was refreshing. My long, sad story? No, my nap.

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

'I'm not paying $200 per hour for therapy, so you must be the one who's nuts.'