Alternative Treatment Aficionado Pillows

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

X-ray Psychology.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Psychologist's receptionist to man: 'I'm afraid I cancelled your appointment - the doctor has decided you don't exist.'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'You again? You know it's called a mid-life crisis, not mid-week!'

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"She can forgive Nixon, but she can't forgive me."

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

PSYCHIATRIC CLINIC, 'You know what I dread? -- March madness!'

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

"You must learn to let go."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"I have no inner life."

"Let me put it this way. If you had a tail, would you chase it?"

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."