Putting Green Philosopher T-Shirts

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Now they're referring to us as ecology nuts."

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"I do miss trees but I don't miss the raking."

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Don't let the woodcutters get too close or they'll make a fuel out of you!

Reverse psychology

'It's a bold initiative but I don't think it's right for the staff kitchen.'

'Have you done something to your air? You look different?'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Sorry, Rudolph, but the production on electric reindeers and their batteries gives work to thousands of children while you destroy the climate with your farts."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Climate Change -- You are here.

A globe detaches itself from its stand and falls into a rubbish bin in the offices of the (fictional) Institute of Environmental Forecasting

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

'An aerosol? Are you sure you've thought this through?'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

The Ship of Fools. The earth as a ship, heading for destruction as people party, oblivious to the danger

'It's only now that we've chopped down all of the trees that we can see the damage we've done'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. Sorry."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'Is it me, Fiona, or the hole in the ozone?'