Puns Professsor Gifts

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Politically Correct Snowperson

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"The favourite practical joke amongst Big Bang theorists"

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

Tinnitus.

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

'I'm sorry, Professor Johnson is not picking up. I can put you through to the equally eccentric Professor Williams if you would like?'

"I've tried really hard, but I'm sorry - I just can't bring myself to accept 'text' as a past participle."

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

I wasn't cheating...I was getting a second opinion.

"I think...therefore I am. I think."

"He's surprisingly good at small talk."

"...so he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, "All right, potassium chloride.""

"My math teacher says I should consider becoming a teacher some day."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes?" "A Fsh."

Creation: The Snooker Theory

"Let's play grown-ups. I'll be the tenured professor. You can be the per-diem teaching assistant."

"To be environmentally responsible I'm recycling my sister's old book reports."

'Do you like Indian food?' 'I have my reservations!'

Shooting a spitball at the Dean on graduation day.

'Relax...I heard our opponents today are huge pussies.'

Fish in gaol.

'She saved the best for last!'

'Jimmy really enjoyed the complimentary beer nuts at Earl's Cafe.'