Punk Money Managers Pillows

"This next song is about one of life's toughest choices. It's called, 'Equities or Debt Securities, I Just Don't Freakin' Know!'...and a one, and a two..."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

Money exchange

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'I've crunched the numbers and you can afford to increase my allowance by 15.5%.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

The Contrarian funds

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Want to trade banks with me?"

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

Overdraft limit.

Me and my money are soon parted

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

What is possible and what is probable.

Here today, Bailed Out Tomorrow.

Piggy Bank ATM

Ask Mister Buck: Financial Expert. "Dear Mister Buck, Is it true that 'money talks'?" Yes, and it drowns out everything else!

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

'Well, okay. So we almost bankrupted the country. But we've managed to make a slight profit thanks to the government bail out package, so who can possibly deny us a fat bonus this year?'

'Would it kill 'ya to index my birthday check to inflation?'

'While I'm here for my audit, could I interest you in some tax free municipal bonds?'

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.