Pundit Appreciator Pillows

Always the smartest guy in the room.

"Where's your breathing mask, young man?"

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

Fly Fishing

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"Steamed vegetables."

'Oh Hi!'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Archival Warfare

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

The Greek Trampoline