Punctuation Maven Gifts

Mrs. Hanover would soon eat her words.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

Shaken not stirred

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

Espresso Martini Peacock

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"A virus ate my homework."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

'I'm studying how other geniuses handled creative blocks.'

Categories are the key to organizing.

"Ms. Sweeney, take a letter, a memo, an email, a tweet, a text, never mind...I forgot what I was going to say."

Castle Efficiency

'Let's begin our meeting. Everybody talk, nobody listen.'

How judicious you are/How thin you spread it

'We're not exact clones - he likes his martini shaken, and I prefer mine stirred.'

Open-Plan Psychiatry

"The exclamation points make the whole thing seem desperate and contrived."

"Maybe your purpose in life is to have a well-organized sock drawer."

"That's not what I said."

"Mr. Nwachuku?", "Extra dressing on the side?"

Apostrophe, Aopstropher, Apostrothem.

'Life'

"Yes, I know it looks like a blank canvas. . . I call it apathy!"

Sugestshun Box: Spelling test.

"He said, and I quote, 'I'm a colon'."

Man and his translator stick out their tongues.