Punch And Judy Enthusiasts Pillows

"This is the way to f**cking do it."

"Talk nerdy to me."

baby sweetcorn...

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Sailor in Car.

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"Puss in cement boots"

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

A Club Sandwitch.

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Tequila Mockingbird

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"So, what are you reading?"

Plum jam...

Aw, geez, is my fly down again? Why Superman started wearing his underwear over his pants.

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Shell Fire

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

'What happend? I thought you went to the dentist for a cleaning.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

Shakespeare Quote

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

"Caption contest"