Pun Seeker Gifts

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

"You've got termites."

'Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?'

'Now children, you must learn to multiply...'

'The plumber will be with you in between 5 and 1000 working days...'

The other side is seeds. This side is meds.

Come back, sir! "Leave room for cream" was a question, not directions.

'I really regret redeveloping into flats during the boom.'

'He's our best security monitor ever!'

Trick or Treaty.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Copycats

Zombie standup

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

I will study my speling words...

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'