Pun-loving Players Pillows

Whack the author.

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool!"

Hamlet.

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

Cow Fishing on the mighty tundra.

'Yes, I'm settling out of court.'

'Mummy-do you believe in cod?'

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

Cat punishement.

'At least it's a dry heat'

'He's got tennis viewer's elbow'

'I was hurt in a boating accident. I tripped over a rack of oars at a sporting goods store.'

"Yep, that's a new sign: I've just finished my law-degree..."

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

'The club wants to know if we would like to go square dancing tonight?'

Hamster Cello tape.

'If you commit a crime when you're slow as molasses & leave a trail of slime you're going to do some time.'

"Sure, I can give you a group discount for neutering both of them."

Prison Escape Plot

"Look out - there's a man with a club behind you."

'When the judge gave me a suspended sentence, I thought he meant...'

Misleading Economic Indicators

Woman on a baseball team called "Pirates" looks at the opposing team who is called "Carjackers".

The lesser known town of Butt Montana.

'...he thought he'd killed you !'