Pun-loving Pediatrician Pillows

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

Surgery Instructions.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"They used to call them G.P.s."

'I had this two years ago.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Obstetrics.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."