Pun-loving Pediatrician Pillows

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

Surgery Instructions.

'I had this two years ago.'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Obstetrics.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'