Pun Extraordinaire Gifts

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Seagiraffes

"I said I wanted to visit the Brandenburg Gate."

First Novels.

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."