Pun Extraordinaire Gifts

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Seagiraffes

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I said I wanted to visit the Brandenburg Gate."

First Novels.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

Transylvanian backpackers.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."