Pun Collection Gifts

'This place is perfect for me. I was convicted of being a serial time-killer.'

Massage Therapist

Scenic View offers mountain with cherry on top.

Keep Your End Up

Boiling Point

Bangers and Mash

'I'll have you know that I did join AA...'

'Hey, knucklehead! You're standing on my tale!'

'Help me make it through the knight.'

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

Earth Moving A Specialty

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

'You'll do fine, it's easy - he's a piece of cake.'

"...lettuce pray."

Some card-game puns

Inside the freezer. I can't wait to get warmed up in the microwave! Bean and Cheese. Ice. He's a "Brrr-ito"! Ice Cream Vanilla.

Cowboy Acupuncture

"If you have an emergency, use this pepper spray."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Zombie standup

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."