Publication Powerhouse Gifts

'This is the time when the University started to rank our research by the number of publications, not the quality of the publications...'

'Welcome to the interview for our Post-Doc position, I hope you've brought your publication list...'

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

First Novels.

"Morning, all!"

Gay Times...

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Letters escape from a caged book.

"Now that's a win."

Sue the Author 3PM

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

Günter Grass