Public Defender Gifts

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

Nude Defending a Staircase

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of working in public interest law are the hardest.'

'Since you can't afford an attorney, one will be inflated for you.'

"As soon as I get the paperwork together I'll file an appeal. Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day."

"Normally, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. These closing arguments would be filled with impassioned pleading, determined advocacy and a certain amount of histrionics, but this is a pro bono case."

Legalade

'Let me intercede, Miss. I happen to be a public defender.'

Death Penalty debate.

Crime slipping through legal system.

'Did you bring your own lawyer or would you like for us to appoint one?'

"Because you acted as your own attorney, you will do your community service sentence with the public defender's office."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"We were assigned 'Hanging Judge Carter', but don't worry, they no longer execute by hanging in this state."

"I hope the court will take into account the fact that bank robbery is my client's only vice."

"Let's play David and Goliath. You'll be David and I'll be the ACLU."

"In the event you can't afford an attorney, you'll be provided with a non-attorney spokesperson."

"Have you ever just blurted out a plea and then wished you could take it back?"

'A lawyer will be appointed to you.' - 'I don't need one, I've decided to tell the truth.'

"My incompetence will become the basis of your appeal."

"What do you mean if you testify?!"

"I don't just defend the accused -- I ensure the integrity of the legal system, despite knowing you're all guilty as hell."

Public Defender / Seltzer Defender

'I'm your court-appointed website consultant.'

'You have the right to remain silent and to the counsel of a motivational speaker.'

'Do you want a lawyer appointed to you?' - 'No thanks your honour, I'd rather throw myself on the ignorance of the court.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'Jailhouse bono!'

'I thought I had a chance until the defense rested. My lawyer fell asleep while he was making his pleas to the jury.'

'Oh great, not him. That lawyer is as crooked as them come. We're screwed.'

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

'...Just plead guilty, I've got a dozen cases to get sorted before lunch.'

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'