Pub Goer With A Love For Cartoons Pillows

I drink to forget... which can take for-freakin'-ever when you're an elephant!'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"I think he just ashed on me."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'It's a bill collector!'

Minister's File

Jim Jr. never felt like he fit in with the rest of his family.

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

New chess piece: Cat - It can go wherever it wants, or not go anywhere at all.

Golfer in a tree.

"You must be the demolition team."

"I'm starting to miss his begging."

Another myth dispelled.

'Professor Luftkopf is really something -- he got a $300,000 Federal grant to figure out how to program his VCR.'

Cutting The Pope's Hair.

'I'm sorry, boss, but you tell them to leave.'

'There was a guy named cracker? HA HA!'

Welcome to Heaven

'My beer's not cloudy. The glasses are dirty.'

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

'However, the jurors unanimously agreed that Blogojevich is the politician with the best hair!'

Boxing British bulldog beating up a French Poodle

Hospital bed shortages

Gravedigger

'Here are the latest poll results...'hype' leads 'truth' by a 2-1 margin.'

"Helen, I really wish you would respect my creative process."

'Do you have a reservation?'

"Having an honest relationship with customers is admirable, but telling them that this sale is 'to get ride of all the crap we can't sell normally' might be a step too far!"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"You set 'em up with one of these babies, and they're good for the night."

"Incorrect postage, wrong zip code...it's your type we encourage to use email!"