Prosthetist Pillows

"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund'

'You've got termites.'

Elephant with Elephant Leg Umbrella Stand and a Prosthetic Limb.

'You need antirobotics.'

Man offering his false leg to a shoe shine boy.

'Eventually I plan to replace it with an artificial limb.'

'What luck! Just the prosthetist I was going to refer you to.'

'...Somebody called Bernard Matthews got the sponsorship deal.'

'We're cracking down on prostitutes, McNaught...not prosthetics.'

'She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

The cell phone soother for life.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll