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A writer types onto a long sheet of paper.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

Editor.

'And this is after the creation of a Special Effects Department.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

Romantic Glass Blower

'What does L.B.W. mean?'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'Hey! Did you suddenly forget English? Get in here!'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"Whoa, too much information!"

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

LOVENUTS: When asked her opinion on the subject, Didi simply gives a rueful smile.

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."