Pasta Maestro T-Shirts

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

Under pressure.

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Shaken not stirred

Italia tours

Pasta

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Burnt or Raw?

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

'What'll it be?'

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

'And this is after the creation of a Special Effects Department.'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

Old Phones Lasagne

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

'Do you call this spaghetti'

"I'm unable to process this image."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Doctor's Office. He put me on a pasta diet -- He says I've been off my noodle long enough.

Patissier

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'