Proposal Dodger Pillows

"The answer is NO!"

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

How lazy people decide what to eat

'Here is my proposal for making our department more productive. The proposal contains my best cognitive distortions.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

Election Cancelling Headphones

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

"Make up your mind - will you or won't you?"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Procrastinator's Leap.

Bring your dog to work day - let someone else make the big decisions.

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"Heads we go with the analytics. Tails we don't."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"Uh, it's the funniest thing honey... None of my power tools seem to work! I guess those projects will have to wait..."

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

Walk right in. Sit right down.

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

"Must be question time again."

'...and now to continue our exciting coverage of the election debate.'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'