Proposal Dodger Mugs

"The answer is NO!"

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

How lazy people decide what to eat

'Here is my proposal for making our department more productive. The proposal contains my best cognitive distortions.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

"Make up your mind - will you or won't you?"

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

Election Cancelling Headphones

Procrastinator's Leap.

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

Bring your dog to work day - let someone else make the big decisions.

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"Uh, it's the funniest thing honey... None of my power tools seem to work! I guess those projects will have to wait..."

'Look, I'm a goat, not an elephant. I really don't want to debate politics during the game...'

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"Heads we go with the analytics. Tails we don't."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

As the summer drew to a close, Mrs. Bank's back-to-school nightmares progressed from a class of her worst students, to a class of their parents.

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'...and now to continue our exciting coverage of the election debate.'

'I just started at the bottom and I like it there!'

Walk right in. Sit right down.