Property Viewing Gifts

"Hi, come on in to our impressively well-constructed, picture-book colonial home, ideally located on a quiet tree-lined street among the area's finest residences."

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"It has tremendous possibilities."

'That's not subsidence. That's land rising up on either side.'

'That's the sort of home I've always wanted.'

"Oh, I love this! The huge walk-in closet comes with it's own master bedroom!"

'You'll love this split level maisonette...' (man falls down split level).

" ... and here's the Piece de Resistance, your own wine cellar. Of course, it's a cave dwelling, so it's also your bathroom, kitchen, bedroom ..."

"This house must be very kid friendly. It has handprints wallpaper..."

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

"...and from here you get a lovely view of the harbour."

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"Wait until you see the view from the den!"

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

'Oh, look, honey - the master closet has a walk-in bedroom!'

Surreal Estate

How often do the planes fly overhead..?

"It used to be a safe house!"

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

"You will just love this tiny house. It comes with a huge garage!"

"...and this property comes complete with sandbags, dinghy, and life jackets."

"It's a quaint, one room, no bath, no half-bath, no basement, no windows, hole-in-a-boulder studio."

"But what's really special about this place is that there is not even the faintest hint of Kirstie Allsopp."

"Watch out for the low beams!"

'People who live in glass houses are rare.'

'It's a friendly neighborhood'

Real estate agent showing observatory: 'You were looking for something with a view?'

'This is great, I'll take it.'

'I've heard they're very anxious to sell.'

'Not much of a house I hear you say...you should have read the ad more carefully...it said, some assembly required.'

'And you hardly hear the neighbours, just the occasional shot gun bang.'

'Damp patch? No dry patch.'