Property Upkeep T-Shirts

"You're going to clean the gutters? Wait! Let me first see if the emergency room takes reservations!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Yardless: Please help

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Man using to much bug spray

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"I had to skip my workout."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

Bathroom Fairy

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"The trees are laughing at us."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).