Property Upkeep Pillows

"You're going to clean the gutters? Wait! Let me first see if the emergency room takes reservations!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Man using to much bug spray

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

Yardless: Please help

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"I had to skip my workout."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

Bathroom Fairy

"The trees are laughing at us."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

Timber preservation