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'Well, goodbye. And thanks for your feigned interest.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

"Look, son, real estate."

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Home Sweet Second Home.

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Starter Homes

'This is close enough.'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Dog Realtor

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

'Don't wait too long to decide. A house with a view like this can go at any minute....'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'I think you'll find it open and spacious!'

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

"Do you have one with a bigger mud room?"

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

Now if you're looking for a handy fixer-upper

'I need to get a bigger place.'

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

"It's a little bit small,but it's got great cross ventilation."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"It has tremendous possibilities."

"I told you he was a motivated seller.