Property Seller Gifts

Real estate agency: 'You know, Thomas Jefferson bought this same property in `80` for 3 cents an acre.'

Lazlo and Alan, A unique narrow dwelling with atmospheric lighting.

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'I told my wife to run the house like a business. So she sold it to an American corporation.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

Mouse real estate!

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

UP Again: Housing Prices.

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

"This room is always bathed in the most beautiful sunlight. Except at night of course."

For Sale By Owner

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'At least this means we won't need a coal mining search.'

"It's in move-in condition."